Marriage & Kids...and Travel Part 1

I often hear that life somehow stops when you have kids.  And people who think life doesn't stop, believe it changes so dramatically that it may as well stop.  One of the misconceptions I hear frequently has to do with travel: if you have kids, you don't bother traveling anymore, with or without the kids.

Why?  

Because we're afraid of what the person next to us on the plane is thinking?  Because the maps of foreign countries are somehow harder to read when there's a small child holding your hand?  Because it's impossible to buy nappies/diapers or formula in places like Rome or Dubai?  

Because we no longer feel as though we can travel alone?  Who will stay with the kids?  What if they miss us?  What if we miss them?  Is it selfish?

Part 1 is leaving the kids at home.  Part 2 will be taking the kids with you. 

"Mommy & Daddy love you...see you next week!"

I love my kids.  I often tell them that they're pretty much the coolest thing(s) I've ever created.  But that doesn't mean I/we need a break.  

Leaving home for an extended period of time is about recharging batteries, reading a book and not being interrupted, getting more than a few hours of alone time, being able to have sex at 11am without worrying someone will walk in, not choosing restaurants based on the kids menu, etc.  The reasons are endless.

It's figuring out how to make it work and, if you can make it work, if you really want to make it work.

Who will stay with the kids?

1. Unless it's Grandma & Grandpa, have back up.  You can trust your friend who says "yeah, of course!" all you want but when they back out, you can be left completely screwed.  I write this from experience.  Remember that "back-outs" can happen for all different reasons: one simply said plans were changing after my repeatedly asking if the dates we had talked about worked, while once I changed my flight plans (yay airfare change charges! note sarcasm) and figured out a back up plan that person was removed without their knowing by a third party who "knows Person X well enough to make this call." (that isn't verbatim, but it's pretty damn close).  My mom told me recently that a family friend backed out at her and my dad back in the 80's pretty much 'just because.'  Back. Up.  People will bail.  Except Grandma & Grandpa.  That's not in their job description.  And paid help.  The end result from the tale above was our then nanny spending the weekend with the boys - and it was costly!

2. Kids have to feel comfortable with whoever they're being left with.  Trial runs are good for this sort of thing.  I'm looking forward to having of my closest friends two kids in a couple months while she and her husband are off overnight because we'll all find out how well the situation works.  We already spend a lot of time together, but if the younger one freaks out and can't handle 36 hours, then a week long vacation may not be in their future.  But if s/he does handle it then mom and dad might be more comfortable going away for longer and they deserve that.  Better to deal with a meltdown when they're an hour away than on a plane to Spain or wherever.

3. If the people watching your kids can only handle a night or two, take it.  It's better than nothing, right?  

What if they miss us?

They probably will.  They'll survive.  Somehow.

What if I miss them?

You probably will.  You'll survive.  The tan, cocktails, meals in restaurants without whipping out Angry Birds on the iPhone and interesting museums/sites/etc will help you to survive.  Somehow.

Is it selfish

Maybe?  Probably?  Not at all?  Depends on who's judging.  And it depends if you care what other people are thinking.  I personally think it's important to be a bit selfish sometimes.  My life is devoted to those 3 kids and they're amazing but my marriage is also incredibly important.  It takes time and effort and energy and work - and being alone is vital.  

Obviously outside factors will decide whether traveling as a couple and leaving the kids at home is feasible: childcare, money, and time off work, to name a few.  But if it's in the realm of possibility, it's worth it.  Very, very worth it.  Josh and I came home from Croatia a few weeks ago with stories of islands and beaches and old city walls...and the boys just wanted to show off their new bike riding skills, while our daughter looked at us with an "oh, you're back, interesting" look on her face.  They didn't miss out.  We didn't miss out.  We all benefitted.  (though Grandma & Grandpa were probably a bit tired!)

Finally: Venice, Italy

When I think Venice, I think gondola!

My trip back to Italy was much faster than the journey to Slovenia.  I was on the train to Villach just before 7:30am, in Villach well before 10am and on my bus back to Venice before midday.  When I had initially looked at where the bus station, Tronchetto, was located in Venice, it seemed close to everything.  Not so much.  We all had to take a tram from the bus station to Piazzale Roma. It didn't take long but there was a fair bit of confusion: would it be faster to walk?  One couple chose to walk and they didn't look too happy as the tram, and all of us on it, passed them rather quickly.

I had to find my hotel, which was meant to be pretty easy.  And it was except that it's location on a tiny alley threw me off and I panicked for about 3 minutes before calming down and finding it.  I stayed at Hotel Mignon.  It was charming, the front desk staff were lovely, the coffee at breakfast was strong and the room was, well, okay.  "Okay" in the sense that it was tiny, the bed was a large single with exactly one pillow, a tiny shower, and so on.  I didn't spend enough time in the room to really care, to be honest.  I was less than 5 minutes from the Rialto Bridge and about 10 from St Mark's Square (this is "Laura" pace - I like to power-walk).

I changed and set out for the afternoon making my way to the Rialto Bridge:

Millions of the same photo are taken annually, I'm sure.

And to St Mark's Square:

Looking back toward St Marc's Square and at Campanile.

I decided to go up the bell tower (Campanile) that afternoon as well.  This wound up being a smart decision because the queue was massive the next three or four times I walked past.

Santa Maria della Salute from the bell tower.

And I wandered, which should be the number one tourist suggestion for Venice:

Beautiful buildings.

The Canal, not from high up.

There was a Billa grocery store not too far from the hotel, which is where I bought dinner.  I have no issue traveling alone, going to movies or eating in restaurants alone at home...but dining alone in Venice, where most people were traveling in couples, was not high on my list.

The next day, Thursday, was really my only full day in Venice.  I spent most of Friday in Verona and left on Saturday so this was the day.  Luckily for me, it was hottest and sunniest day of my whole week.  I had been watching the weather for weeks before leaving for this trip and it stayed fairly consistent leading me to pack no trousers/pants and exactly one thin sweater.  This was the one day that I comfortably wore a summer dress!

I went back to the Rialto Bridge, hoping that I was out early enough for it not to be too busy, before walking to the Gallerie dell'Accademia:

Alone with Carpaccio; the reason I try to get to galleries early.

I walked from the Gallerie dell'Accademia to the Peggy Guggenheim Collection:

The gardens.  I didn't take any photos of the
rooms inside, just a few individual paintings.

It was packed.  You expect busy at popular places, but wow.  A friend had e-mailed me suggestions of things to do in Venice the night before and the PG was on the list.  I can see how it would be amazing, if it wasn't so busy.  It wasn't even the tourists, it was the schoolchildren.  Now I am all for kids in museums and galleries.  My kids are in them pretty often!  But the rooms in the Peggy Guggenheim are fairly small and when 30 kids sit down in front of a Pollock that you want to look at for a good 15 minutes, it's a bit annoying.  It reaches a level of frustration when you realise that there are 4 different classes of about 30 each in there at the same time, always sat in front of what you want to look at.  Plus all the tourists.  And then I wasn't expecting to have to leave my handbag in a locker, which contained my passport, wallet, UK biometric card, etc.  I felt uneasy the whole time.  I left loving the gallery and knowing what it should have been and I what I'll do differently next time (a weekend day when no schoolchildren would be there; I could have left my important documents in the safe at the hotel...things like that).

I walked from there to the Santa Maria della Salute.

My photos of the church dead on are no good because
 it's impossible to get the whole church in the photo.

I then walked along the industrial bit of Venice back toward the main train station, St Lucia.  I bought my ticket to Verona for the next day and wasn't too sure what to do next.  For some reason I was hesitant to use the vaporetto's (water buses, really).  I remember laughing at myself, this wasn't the first time I was in Italy and certainly not the first time I was traveling alone! (maybe closing in on 30, at this point, and knowing I left 3 children at home has made me more paranoid?)  Anyway I walked up to the vaporetto ticket booth and purchased a 12hr unlimited ticket.  It meant I could go anywhere the vaporetto went for 12 hours. 

So first I boarded one heading to the island, Lido.

Arriving at Lido.

I disembarked, wandered a few streets and bought gelato on Lido.  I then boarded another vaporetto headed toward Burano with a stop at Punta Sabbioni.  Burano is just too beautiful to miss.  The photo on the far right at the top of this page is from Burano.  As the vaporetto was approaching the island you could just see these bursts of colour.  It was just stunning.

The main walkway was packed,
the side canals much emptier.

From Burano I boarded a larger boat headed back toward Venice with a stop at Murano.  I didn't get off in Murano because I still had plans for the day (see below), despite knowing that a lot of the glasswork souvenirs being sold in Venice were from there.  Next time?

The boat reached Venice, not far from my hotel.  I sauntered on past the hotel and headed straight back to wear I got on the first vaporetto hours earlier.  This time I had a different plan: go up and down the Grand Canal with a good view.  This was easily achieved but only because I was willing to stand...and be a bit pushy.

I stood on the left-hand side going down...

A different view of the hotels and villas.

And I sat on the left-hand side going back up.

The Peggy Guggenheim from the canal.

It meant that I got to see the villas and museums and hotels on both sides each way.  It was beautiful despite the weather turning for the worse.

Going up the canal.

I walked back to the hotel with a stop at Billa again and planned my day-trip to Verona for the next day.  I spent Friday in Verona, which will be a separate post.  My Saturday in Venice was lovely, but cold!

I checked out of the hotel, left my bag in the dining area and set off for Piazza Ducale.  I asked for the separate ticket to the Manet exhibition and was told about 4 times that that was an extra cost before the ticket guy realised I was aware of this and that was what I wanted.  I went straight to the cafe and had 2 coffees before even starting the sort-of guided tour.  I write "sort-of" because you essentially have to follow the path laid out for you but it's not guided by a person.  Very very well laid out though.  I had expected it to take about an hour and instead I was in there for over 2 hours.

Photography was not allowed inside and my photos from the exterior are not good.  The Manet exhibition was fantastic, well worth the extra 7euro it cost.

From Piazza Ducale I found lunch (where I met a couple from Northern British Columbia, who told me about their son who works at the University of Saskatchewan - it's a very, very small world!) before I went to Museo Correr.  It was part of my Piazza Ducale ticket and I had no idea what to expect.  I initially though I'd be in and out in 45min and then in a bind as to how to spend the following 3-4 hours before heading out to the airport.

Not an issue at all.  Museo Correr was amazing and empty.  From ancient art to fairly modern (turn of the 20th century).  Paintings, money, busts, pottery, etc.  It just kept on going.  I spent a good 3 hours in there.  Photography was not allowed so I don't have a single photo from inside but it was so worth it. 

From the Museo Correr I wandered a little bit more before returning to the hotel to pick up my little suitcase (I had taken a carry-on with me) and head toward the train station where all the local buses depart from. 

Venice was an interesting one for me.  I had heard from several people that a full day is all one needs there.  I guess that could be the case if there's no desire to go into a single museum/gallery or visit any of the surrounding islands.  Even then I'm not sure how you'd cram it all into one day, though obviously it's done.  I had one full day, one half day and about 3/4 of another day and I feel like I could go back there and spend another week.