I often hear that life somehow stops when you have kids. And people who think life doesn't stop, believe it changes so dramatically that it may as well stop. One of the misconceptions I hear frequently has to do with travel: if you have kids, you don't bother traveling anymore, with or without the kids.
Why?
Because we're afraid of what the person next to us on the plane is thinking? Because the maps of foreign countries are somehow harder to read when there's a small child holding your hand? Because it's impossible to buy nappies/diapers or formula in places like Rome or Dubai?
Because we no longer feel as though we can travel alone? Who will stay with the kids? What if they miss us? What if we miss them? Is it selfish?
Part 1 is leaving the kids at home. Part 2 will be taking the kids with you.
"Mommy & Daddy love you...see you next week!"
I love my kids. I often tell them that they're pretty much the coolest thing(s) I've ever created. But that doesn't mean I/we need a break.
Leaving home for an extended period of time is about recharging batteries, reading a book and not being interrupted, getting more than a few hours of alone time, being able to have sex at 11am without worrying someone will walk in, not choosing restaurants based on the kids menu, etc. The reasons are endless.
It's figuring out how to make it work and, if you can make it work, if you really want to make it work.
Who will stay with the kids?
1. Unless it's Grandma & Grandpa, have back up. You can trust your friend who says "yeah, of course!" all you want but when they back out, you can be left completely screwed. I write this from experience. Remember that "back-outs" can happen for all different reasons: one simply said plans were changing after my repeatedly asking if the dates we had talked about worked, while once I changed my flight plans (yay airfare change charges! note sarcasm) and figured out a back up plan that person was removed without their knowing by a third party who "knows Person X well enough to make this call." (that isn't verbatim, but it's pretty damn close). My mom told me recently that a family friend backed out at her and my dad back in the 80's pretty much 'just because.' Back. Up. People will bail. Except Grandma & Grandpa. That's not in their job description. And paid help. The end result from the tale above was our then nanny spending the weekend with the boys - and it was costly!
2. Kids have to feel comfortable with whoever they're being left with. Trial runs are good for this sort of thing. I'm looking forward to having of my closest friends two kids in a couple months while she and her husband are off overnight because we'll all find out how well the situation works. We already spend a lot of time together, but if the younger one freaks out and can't handle 36 hours, then a week long vacation may not be in their future. But if s/he does handle it then mom and dad might be more comfortable going away for longer and they deserve that. Better to deal with a meltdown when they're an hour away than on a plane to Spain or wherever.
3. If the people watching your kids can only handle a night or two, take it. It's better than nothing, right?
What if they miss us?
They probably will. They'll survive. Somehow.
What if I miss them?
You probably will. You'll survive. The tan, cocktails, meals in restaurants without whipping out Angry Birds on the iPhone and interesting museums/sites/etc will help you to survive. Somehow.
Is it selfish
Maybe? Probably? Not at all? Depends on who's judging. And it depends if you care what other people are thinking. I personally think it's important to be a bit selfish sometimes. My life is devoted to those 3 kids and they're amazing but my marriage is also incredibly important. It takes time and effort and energy and work - and being alone is vital.
Obviously outside factors will decide whether traveling as a couple and leaving the kids at home is feasible: childcare, money, and time off work, to name a few. But if it's in the realm of possibility, it's worth it. Very, very worth it. Josh and I came home from Croatia a few weeks ago with stories of islands and beaches and old city walls...and the boys just wanted to show off their new bike riding skills, while our daughter looked at us with an "oh, you're back, interesting" look on her face. They didn't miss out. We didn't miss out. We all benefitted. (though Grandma & Grandpa were probably a bit tired!)
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